The Book About Us!
by Brianna-BlackPotter
Summary: Remus finds an interesting book and reads it with his two best friends, James Potter and Sirius Black. The book title? Fanfiction. Yes it says it all in the name, see the reactions of our favorite Marauders as they read stories about themselves! WARNING there is SEX/VIOLENCE and other Mature contents. Read at your own will. This story is meant to be a laugh with a twist to it.
1. Intro

**Alright my readers this is a new story that I hope will give you joy (:**

**Full Summary : Remus finds an interesting book and reads it with his two best friends, James Potter and Sirius Black. The book title? Fanfiction. Yes it says it all, see the reactions of our favorite Marauders as they read stories about themselves! WARNING there is SEX/VIOLANCE and other things along that line. Read at your own will. This story is meant to be a laugh with a twist to it.**

**DISCLAIMER : The stories that are in this story are not all mine! Like other stories like this, I am using my favorite Fanfiction or other stories in this so please understand. ALSO, there is and WILL be many mature type of stories that include SEX, TALK ABOUT SEX, SELF PLEASURE. Also stories with VIOLANCE, ABUSE, and so forth**

**You have been warned.**

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**This is the Intro...**

James Potter sat on his four-post bed looking heatedly at Sirius. An hour earlier the boys had been outside by the black lake, having finished breakfast. It had doomed on Sirius that his best mate might want to go for a swim and not so casually pushed James in the lake. That of course got the head Marauder fuming, something that did not occur often.

He began to shoot hex after hex at his laughing friend who dodged each one. When James finally hit Sirius with a hex, it was just in time for Lily Evan to catch him.

"Potter!" Evans screamed as she marched up to a guilty looking James and a pink haired orange Sirius. "What the devil do you think you are doing? There are first and second years around!"

James stuttered and tried his best to speak to the fuming red head "S-Sirius…he…I…the lake" Evans however paid no mind to his stamper of an excuse. Ever since she had been made Prefect, she had taken her duties seriously and part of those duties included knocking down Potter a peg or two.

"Shut up Potter" Lily said in a cold tone "Ten points from Gryffindor and a detention with Flinch tomorrow night" At that James seemed to have composed himself.

"Oh come on Evans! Honestly I did nothing wrong" James said hotly

"Nothing wrong?" Evans said a bit to calmly in Sirius's opinion. He quickly took a few steps back. "You were sending hex after hex at your stupid friend! Not caring if a stray one hit someone! Are you so big-headed you don't care about the safety of others? And you have the nerve to say you did NOTHING WRONG? NO. Go to your room Potter! If I see you out an about for the rest of this day I will give you a month of detention"

And with that she left stomping back to her friend that she had left when she rushed at Potter. James watched her go and glared as he saw Snape smirk ever so slightly. Why Evans was even his friend he did not understand. Speaking of friends…James quickly turned to see his sheepish looking best mate standing there smiling.

"Padfoot" James said lowly "Your ass better be inside and in our room in the next two minutes"

"Why?" Sirius asked "You're on house arrest not me and I frankly feel I should find me a nice bird to snog. Watching Evans yell at you kind of dampened my mood."

"Now!" James yelled as he turned and started making his way to the same destination he order his friend too.

And that is where the duo sat looking heatedly at each other. James was angry at Sirius more for giving Evans a reason to yell at him than for pushing him in the lake. Sirius on the other hand was angry he had to stay indoors.

"What the bloody hell are we supposed to all day? It's not even noon!" Sirius asked after five minutes of just sitting there.

"You should have thought about that _before _you threw me in the lake and gave Evans a reason to yell and ground us" James said in an under tone as he shifted away from glaring at Sirius to laying on his back staring at the ceiling.

Before Sirius could retort a yell of "GUYS?" followed by footsteps sounded in the room. Not long after Remus Lupin, shirt tucked in and robs clean, walking in the room, his Prefect badged shining in the light.

"Yeah Moony? Come to release us from our prison?" Sirius asked as he watched his other best friend walk into the room. Remus snorted.

"Not likely. Not after the lecture I just got from Lily for not enforcing the rules on you guys. Thanks a lot by the way Prongs" Remus said with a sigh.

"It wasn't my fault" James said with a groan.

"Then why are you here?" Sirius asked sounding put out. James grinned a bit glad his friend felt as miserable as he did, after all it was his fault they were in this mess.

"I found this book, and since I don't have Prefect duty till tomorrow and you guys have nothing better to do, I thought you might like to read it with me" At the sounds of protest his friends made Remus continued "This book is different"

"How so?" James asked now looking at the book Remus took out of his robes "Its big, it looks old and-"

"Boring" Sirius finished.

"It might" Remus agreed "But it's not boring. Look the title is **Fan Fiction** and in the back it has a list of characters. Here Prongs read them out loud" Remus gave James the big book and watched him flip it over to its back side.

"**In this book are a lot of characters by J.K Rowley, the most important are as followed" **James read out loud.

"**James Potter**

**Sirius Black**

**Remus Lupin**

**Lily Evans**

**Harry Potter**

**James Sirius Potter**

**Hermione Granger**

**Ron Weasley**

**Draco Malfoy**

**Severus Snape**

**Albus Dumbledore**

**Nymphadora Tonks**

**Teddy Lupin**

**And so many more" **James finished reading his tone disbelieving.

"How is that possible?" Sirius asked as he sat up straighter. James shook his head, clearly not knowing the answer.

"There was a note with the book but as soon as I finished reading it, it engulfed into flames" Remus said helpfully.

"Well don't hold back!" Sirius yelled "Where did you find this book? And what did the note say?"

"I was walking back from the Library when I tripped over this black book" Remus said as he pointed to the book in James hand "On top of it was a note that said _Read me it will be fun and with what is coming you just about need all the fun you can get Merrs. Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs…love Brianna (Don't hate me for the awkwardness)"_

"You memorized a note that you only read once?" Sirius asked as he tried to grasp what his friend had just said.

"It's a gift" Remus said defensibly "Anyways I of course tried to open the book and it wouldn't budge so I assumed I had to be with you two to read it"

"Okay? Then what?" James asked still a bit confused.

"I came here. Well after I got lectured in to hallway by Lily" Remus added as an after thought.

There was a few silent seconds before anyone said a word. Then it was broken by Sirius.

"Who the bloody hell is Brianna? I mean I don't know anyone in our year that has that name. Anyone in the school?" He said that last part in the form of a question. Remus shrugged his shoulders. As far as he knew there was no one in Hogwarts with the name Brianna.

"Well do we read?" Remus asked after another pregnant pause. He was dying to know what was in the book and he hated that he couldn't open it unless the other two were there.

"We might as well" James said unable to distinguish his curiosity "We have nothing better to do thanks to Padfoot"

"Alright give me the book, I'll read first" Remus said enthusiastically. When James gave him the book Remus turned it over and traced the title of the book. **Fan Fiction. **As he did this James and Sirius got comfortable and not long after Remus opened the book and read out the first chapter title.

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**So what did you think? I wanted to update the into first before an actually chapter that includes reading. That chapter will be up in an hour or so, but please review as of now as to how you like this plot! Ill see you soon (:**


	2. A Hard Problem

**Hello Everyone so this is the first chapter. I would like to say that the story in this chapter is actually not a fan fiction story but a story i got from a website called Insane Journal. I will provide a link if you want to see the original. _ hp_ _**

**WARNING THIS STORY HAS MATURE ADULT SITUATIONS IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE THEN DO NOT READ! WAIT TILL THE NEXT CHAPTER WHICH WILL NOT BE RATED M. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

**DISCLAIMER : I do not own Harry Potter but i sure as hell wish i did.**

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**Chapter 1- A Hard Problem**

_"Alright give me the book, I'll read first" Remus said enthusiastically. When James gave him the book Remus turned it over and traced the title of the book. Fan Fiction. As he did this James and Sirius got comfortable and not long after Remus opened the book and read out the first chapter title._

"**A mile in her shoes **" Remus read out "**By eeyore9990**"

"That's an odd name" Sirius said as he punched his pillow into a more comfortable position. Remus ignored him and began to read

**James grinned as he stepped up behind Lily, his eyes roving over the way her lithe body swayed under her opened robes, her long hair trailing down her back to rest just above the curve of her arse.**

James blushed furiously when Remus stopped reading and both he and Sirius turned to face him.

"W-I- The book me said it!" Remus just shook his head as Sirius laugh.

"Are we seriously reading about James checking out Evans?" Sirius asked wiping away a few tears that had escaped as he laughed so hard.

"Just you wait till it's a story about you!" James said hotly before Remus could answer.

"As for your question Sirius" Remus answered as he glared at James for interrupting him "We won't know what the story is about till we read it"

"Rightly oh Moony continue please" Sirius said in a way of response.

**Reaching out, he found the emerald green ribbon nestled in the nape of her neck, holding the front part of her hair back, and pulled.**

**With a gasp, Lily spun around, her hand going to her head even as her brilliant hair fell into her face, framing even more brilliant eyes. For all her other features, it was her eyes that drew him most—not that he'd ever admit to such a poncy thing in front of his friends.**

"Aww" Sirius cooed "That is so romantic Prongs, her eyes?" James again turned a shade of red but said nothing. After all he agreed with his book self, Evans eyes were what draws him in. Remus on the other hand couldn't help but snort

"Pulling on her ribbon James? That is just childish" Remus said meekly.

"What! I didn't even do it" But his protest were heard by deaf ears.

**"James Potter! I truly thought this was beneath you! Actually pulling girls' pigtails? Ooooh!" Lily's eyes sparked with anger and her cheeks flushed brightly as she curled her graceful hands into fists.**

**"What, this?" James asked innocently, holding up the ribbon. "I was just trying to protect you, Evans. Really. I mean, look. Your ribbon is," he lowered his voice and glance up and down the hall even as Sirius walked up behind Lily, "Slytherin colors. You wouldn't want anyone to think you're conspiring with the enemy, would you? I'm doing you a favor, here! Honest!"**

"Well that is true, why is she wearing Slytherin colors?" Sirius said in a natural voice.

"In case you hadn't noticed Padfoot our head of house wears green all the time" Remus added clearly not fazed by Lily wearing a green ribbon.

"Why does Minnie wear green?" James asked as an after thought

"I don't know but we sure as hell need to ask her. Hey Prongs next time we see her and she is wearing green, let's turn them red" Sirius said in a happy tone

"Lets" James said in reply. Remus, however, just wondered how much trouble his friends would get into if they did what they had just planned"

**Sirius' bark of laughter ruined James' impassioned speech, and with another choked growl of fury, Lily stormed off to her next class.**

**"She'll never go to Hogsmeade with you now, mate," Sirius said, his voice full of good cheer.**

"Hey Prongs!" Sirius interrupted again "Even book you can't get Evans"

"Shut up" was James only response

**"Ah, she'll come around. They always do. And since I have this, I won't have to worry about anything beyond that first step… she'll be putty in my arms once she's there." James held up the ribbon, twirling it around to show off the three red hairs clinging to the satin material. **

"How is her green ribbon going to make her putty in your arms?" Remus asked as he paused from reading

"Search me" James said "I don't know what book me and book Sirius are thinking"

**Sirius slanted a glance at him from the corner of his eye and muttered, "Unless she ever finds out what you're about to do. Then she may just hex your bollocks off."**

**James smiled and clapped a hand on Sirius' shoulder, adding a threatening squeeze—not that he didn't trust Sirius, but his friend was known to drop a secret or two in the heat of the moment. "She's not going to find out, though, is she?"**

"That doesn't sound good" Remus said clearly unsettled.

"Yeah, even book me seems a bit worried and I'm never worried" Sirius added.

"I trust you Padfoot, but book me seems about to do something wrong" James said

**Sirius shot him a wounded look and said, "Such a thing to say to the bloke who filched you some Polyjuice!"**

"WHAT!" Remus yelled nearly dropping the book. It seemed Remus was the only one to put the puzzle together as to what the book James was about to do.

"What?" James and Sirius asked together.

"I'm sure the book will explain" Remus said hotly, making the other Marauders wonder what had gotten Remus so riled up

**James' eyes lit up as he grabbed Sirius' shoulders and spun him around. "Where? You got some? I can't believe it!"**

**Sirius grinned slyly and said, "Yeah. That great prat Snivellus was making some for his end of term project. It was nothing to distract him and grab a bit before he vanished the left-overs."**

**"Snivellus made it?" James didn't bother to stop his lip curling in distaste.**

**"Whatever else you can say; the little bastard is top rate at Potions."**

**"Arse licker."**

"What am I going to do with polyjuice made from an arse licker?" James asked in distaste.

"It better not be what I think it is James, because if it is I swear I will curse you" Remus said clearly still angry

"What is it that you think?" Sirius asked "Come on share with the class"

Remus instead just looked down at the book and began to read again

**Sirius just nodded and reached into his robes, pulling out a sloppily capped vial of the sludge-y looking potion. James could feel his gag reflex acting up just from looking at it. **

**"Oh, God, that looks foul. I have to drink it?"**

**"Of course you don't have to. You could give me the fair Lily's hair; I'll be happy to spend a few hours in her body."**

Remus stopped reading horrified that his suspicion had been correct. It seemed that Sirius and James had discovered what the polyjuice was for as James seemed to look a bit paler.

"I-I use…wait what?" James asked clearly not liking what his mind was putting together. "I would never"

"Would you?" Sirius knew it was wrong to say but in all honestly he could see himself saying what his book self-had just said.

"SIRIUS" Remus and James screamed. James however looked uncertain now. Remus looked between the two furiously.

"How dare you" He hissed

"Moony! We haven't don't anything" James and Sirius said quickly

"HAVENT? Don't you mean WONT" Remus yelled.

"Wont" was said by both dog and stag animagus quickly.

"This is Lily" Remus said at once. James and Sirius looked at each other. _It was Lily that's why they wanted to do it. _

"It's wrong." Remus said flatly. In a show of character both James and Sirius felt guilty for what their minds were thinking, but that didn't stop them from thinking.

**James scowled darkly and swiped the vial from Sirius before slinging his pack over his shoulder and saying, "Tell Binns I was feeling off from lunch. I'll meet you back in the dorm later."**

**"You're not going to the dorm?" Sirius asked, his voice lilting with surprise.**

**"Nah, too risky. I don't want you walking in on me at a bad moment." James smirked at Sirius' crestfallen face. "Just go to class like a good boy. If it works, we'll have to see about making our own end of term project."**

**Sirius scowled but nodded and backed slowly away. "Pensieve, James. I want to see it in a Pensieve."**

**James just waved him off and ran for the statue of the hump-back witch.**

Remus huffed.

James shared a look with Sirius, one that clearly said _LIKE HELL I'D LET YOU SEE EVANS NAKED_

While Sirius glared at his best mate for using him and not allowing him to see one of the hottest girls naked. When Remus saw both looks he furiously hit both of them

"You know it's wrong! Neither of you should see her"

"Come on Moony! It's a book, stop making us feel guilty for what will never happen. Let's just enjoy the story" Sirius said finally. It was true they were not doing anything wrong with just fantasizing now were they.

James felt like punching the air in victory when Remus relaxed, after all it was just a story. _A very good one _James thought happily.

**James slipped into the small, dank passageway and waited until the statue slid back into place before rummaging in his pack. Pulling out one of his books, he concentrated hard before moving his wand in the intricate pattern needed for transfiguring one material to another. **

**Puffing out a breath, he cast "Lumos!" and looked down, pleased to see that the cover of his Potion's book had become perfectly reflective. Tilting his head, he glanced down and frowned at himself before looking along the edge of the passageway for a…**

"Probably looking for a more comfortable spot" James said as Remus kept reading. The mood in the room was lighter than it had been.

**"Ahh," he whispered, edging deeper into the tunnel. The slope under the castle's grounds was fairly even here and just a bit more transfiguration would get him what he wanted. Setting the book down on the ground, he propped it against the earthen walls so that his scuffed black shoes were framed in the reflective surface. **

**Kneeling down, he pointed his wand directly at the book, muttered "Nox!" and then, hoping his swish and flick wouldn't misdirect his aim, said, "Engorgio!" Biting his lip, he cast another Lumos before smiling delightedly at seeing the mirror had become full length. "Brilliant," he murmured, waving at his reflection.**

James looked proud and a bit smug at what his book self-had done "Bet I can do that too" he said smugly.

"Wow Prongs" Sirius said in a teasing tone "You are good at something" James glared at his friend but said nothing

"Shut up Padfoot we both know that James is good…" Remus started as James looked at him happily "At looking at himself in the mirror"

**James dumped his bag to the floor and popped the cork off the vial he'd taken from Sirius. The stench from the potion made him gag, but he slipped his hand into his robes and pulled out Lily's hair ribbon. Plucking one of the precious strands of her titian hair from it, he dropped it into the bottle and waited for it to stop bubbling before bringing it to his mouth.**

The room tensed a bit but luckily Remus remembered it was just a story and did not punish James.

**Downing it quickly, he tried to ignore the taste—and hoped against hope that Snivellus hadn't botched the potion—while it slid in sludge-like fashion to his stomach where it settled like a rock.**

**"Oh, God, I'm going to be sick," he moaned out loud… and was startled out of his nausea by the sound of his voice. Every word seemed to come out at a higher register. A cramp in his stomach caused him to gasp and grab for it, kneading the flesh as his body began to spasm.**

"That sounds unpleasent" James said out loud

"Yeah probably worse than the time I ate those bad candies" Sirius added. Remus and James both laughed.

"Those candies weren't bad Padfoot" Remus told his friend

"Then why did I get sick?" Sirius asked

"Because you ate 37 of them!" Remus and James said together.

"Whatever" Sirius said quickly "Just keep reading"

**"Fuck!" he screamed in Lily's voice, bending double and falling to the ground. **

**As suddenly as it'd begun, the pain and nausea stopped. James lay on the ground, still panting as he blinked around the blurry tunnel. Frowning, he reached up to remove his glasses only to see a much smaller hand. Swallowing heavily, he looked into the mirror and saw Lily laying there in its reflection.**

James bit his lip. All the possibilities of what he could do if he was in Lily's body came slamming into his mind. Unknown to him the same type of thoughts were in both Remus and Sirius' heads. Yes Remus too, who oddly enough did not feel bad about it. When James and Sirius saw the faraway look on the werewolf's face that they were sure were on their faces too, they raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Remus said blushing slightly "I understand now what you guys meant, this is not real" He said lifting up the book "It's like watching porn, it's not wrong to just fantasize as long as nothing is acted on"

Both boys just nodded, of course he was right. When Remus began reading again the tension in the room was no longer present after all, all three Marauder were eager to read what happened next.

**Pushing to his hands and knees, he raked his gaze over her face, taking in the fact that the potion had changed him completely. Standing slowly, he smoothed his hands over his body, lingering on the place his new breasts pressed against his robes. With shaking hands, he slipped the enclosure of his robes open and let the garment drop from his shoulders.**

**"Oh, fuck, that's hot," Lily said to him from the mirror. The image of Lily standing in nothing but James' too-large clothing would have been enough to make his cock swell… if he'd still had one. **

James blushed but refused to be embarrassed Sirius on the other hand had been thinking out loud.

"I can't imagine not having a dick, could you?" Sirius asked not caring if he was being crude after all they were all best friends and all young men too.

"No" Remus and James said together.

**A lazy grin stretched Lily's mouth as James slipped his trousers—still completely fastened—off Lily's much slimmer hips. When she was standing there in just his shirt and boxers, James instinctively grabbed for his cock to give it a squeeze. Instead, he ended up cupping Lily's mound through his boxers.**

Remus and Sirius laughed. James on the other hand glared at them, trying to calm down his blush.

"Oh you would do the same!" That was true but that didn't stop Remus and Sirius from laughing.

**"Oh, God," he whispered, hearing it come back to him in Lily's voice again.**

**Desire swirled through him, settling in the tips of Lily's beautiful breasts and what felt like the base of his groin. It still pulsed and throbbed, but it was a deeper ache than he was used to… an ache that begged to be filled. **

The room that was filled with laughter a few lines ago was now dead silent. It seemed to all three boys that the room was suddenly hot…TOO hot.

Sirius shifted uncomfortable apparently the last line had gotten him into a bit of a dilemma. As he shifted around he noticed that James and Remus were also looking uncomfortable and their cheeks were a soft pink.

"This might be a problem" was all Sirius said as he refused to look at his mates in the face. Remus and James agreed but for the life of them they did not want to stop reading.

"Should we…keep reading?" James asked, covering his lap with a pillow. Sirius hid his smirk, having done the same and turned to Remus, only to see that he too had a pillow on his lap.

"What do you think Moony, we still read?" Sirius asked the flustered werewolf.

Remus in answer just began reading.

**Gasping, James quickly stripped off the boxers and ripped the buttons on his shirt as he tried to open it. Lily's triangle of deep red curls made his mouth go dry before flooding with moisture. That one view made him desperate to see the rest. His fingers—her fingers—grew clumsy as he fumbled with the top-most buttons on his shirt and slipped his tie from its knot.**

**"Oh, Jesus, fuck," Lily's voice moaned when the shirt was able to part enough to showcase her body.**

As Remus had continued to read, James and Sirius both closed their eyes to picture what was being read. The image they made did not help their situation with the pillow on the lap.

**A glint of green caught his eye then and he looked down to see Lily's ribbon lying abandoned on the ground. He bent down and picked it up, carefully removing each of the long strands of hair from it and, rummaging in his bag for something appropriate, slipped them between the pages of his History of Magic text. Closing the book, he returned it to the bag and stood again in front of the mirror.**

**Pointing his wand at the mirror, he remembered to cast "Nox" before giving a flick of his wrist and saying, "Memorium!" Lighting his wand-tip again, he carefully lowered it to the ground, illuminating**

**Lily's body from the bottom, up. Shadows drew designs on her skin that James traced with the edge of one of her fingers, the longish nail scratching delicately at her skin and causing gooseflesh to break out.**

**Shrugging out of his shirt, James took a long moment to simply absorb the impact of Lily's naked body. The skin was so creamy and smooth, her body lean but delightfully curved. He traced her hands down her sides, over her hips before reversing his touch to scrape the edges of her nails over her hipbones. **

James mouth watered. He wanted nothing more than to be doing what his book self was. Sirius too wanted to do what James book self was doing but even more he wanted to find some bird quickly and get rid of the painful hard on he had.

Remus however discovered that by reading he was focused on the black little words on the page then the huge hard on in his own pants.

**A startled, high cry escaped at the pleasure that sent pouring through him. Everything was so unusual, every touch so different. Lily seemed to be sensitive in places he'd never have thought to touch on himself.**

**He found himself wishing once more for his cock so he could quickly relieve the pressure building within him. But Lily's body, while fantastic and awe-inspiring, was so very alien to him that he felt awkward and fumbling as he touched her. **

Sirius couldn't resist the small smirk on his face "Prongs? Never touched a girl?"

James huffed "Of course" At both Sirius and Remus' raised eye brows he continued "I have! Vicky Travis from Ravenclaw a year above us. She seemed to love the prank I pulled on Valentine's day and since Evans refused to go out with me on that holiday, Vicky decided she'd make me forget" A goofy grin appeared on his face. "And she did"

"Then how come the book you said that Evans body was alien to you?" Sirius asked confused.

"Well Padfoot" Remus replied for James "Lily is masturbating"

All three boys tried very hard to ignore the twitch their dicks made when Remus said this.

"And so James only knows how to wank with his own anatomy not another genders"

"That makes sense" was all Sirius said.

**He cupped her breasts, amazed at how well they fit her hands for all that they weren't large. Skimming his hand down, he ran the palm of her hand over the gentle curve of her belly, exploring the dip of her navel. The ribbon still caught between his thumb and forefinger slithered over Lily's skin, adding a ghostly essence to the wandering of his hands.**

**With a sigh, he threaded his fingers through the coarse red curls covering her mound, smiling slightly as he saw the way the green ribbon contrasted so beautifully. "Like Christmas," he murmured. **

At that both Remus and Sirius busted out laughing.

"Of all the things Prongs, and what you are doing! You think Christmas?" Sirius said as he tried to catch his breath from laughing so hard. Remus too was having a hard time breathing. It seemed that this good hearted laugh was what helped all three of the Marauders with their _hard_ problem.

"Shut up!" James said his face red "I think I would say the same thing. Lily is a present" At that neither of the other two Marauders could disagree. Evans was very beautiful.

Feeling much better Remus continued reading.

**Grinning wickedly, he awkwardly threaded the ribbon through a bunch of the curls, trying to tie a bow. The hair was too short, however, and foiled his efforts, but the attempt was enough to distract him from the throbbing in his body.**

Again that paragraph sent Remus and Sirius into another set of giggles. Of course they would never admit it after all Remus Lupin the big bad werewolf and Sirius Black the teenage heart throb _did not _giggle.

**The ribbon tangled in his fingers as he tried to retie it, but his fumbling was rewarded when his fingers slid between the lips of her cunt, finding delicate moisture and a shock of pleasure as the tip of her fingernail scraped over her clit. Or, at least, he thought it was her clit.**

"Really" Sirius interrupted again

James just rolled his eyes "I didn't pay attention to Vicky's you know! I just stuck it in and had my fun" Talking about sex was not James favorite thing to do with Sirius. Remus too did not like to have conversations like these. As for Sirius, well the conversations were as common as roll call every morning in class.

**James grabbed his shirt and trousers and laid them out on the ground before sitting down on them. Spreading Lily's thighs, he placed her feet wide apart in front of the mirror and watched as he wanked her… as she wanked herself? Oh, it was all so confusing, but fuck it was hot.**

"Yeah" Remus, Sirius and James all said in a husky voice at the same time. They refused to look at each other when they did this having not planned to say what they did out loud. It seemed that the _HARD _problem had returned for all of the Marauders.

**Shaking his head, he watched as Lily's long hair flew out and around to stream over her shoulders, tangling with the curls at her cunt and sliding over the tips of her breasts, parting like a curtain to show her pink nipples.**

**Biting his lip, James allowed his fingers to slide more firmly through the wet heat between the folds of Lily's cunt, dragging a gasp from him. **

**"God! So intense!" he whispered. Again, he ground his fingers over her clit, but this time realized the pressure was a bit too much. Backing off slightly, he rubbed his fingers back and forth, his breathing growing ragged as he felt knots of need building within. He whimpered miserably when continuing to rub didn't make him come. Instead, it seemed to make the area go a bit numb, so he backed off completely, glaring into the mirror as if to accuse it of keeping him from the orgasm he was so desperate for.**

"That also sounds painful" Sirius said suddenly "I mean for us we just wank and done but I guess for girls it takes a while huh?"

"Sounds frustrating" was all James said.

"No wonder girls scream when they reach orgasm, they love it" Remus added. When James and Sirius looked at him in shock he flushed. "I-I read a lot of romance novels"

James and Sirius sniggered

"More like Porn Graphics ol'Moony ol'Pal" said the duo.

Remus in turn just began to read again.

**Trying again, he decided to go a bit further. Avoiding her clit for now, James sought out and found her hole, sliding two fingers into it. A deep grunt left him—though in Lily's voice it wasn't really much of a grunt—and sweat broke out on his brow as the ache in Lily's groin was satisfied for the moment. He rubbed his fingers around, looking for the spot Sirius assured him was like a man's prostate. Either he didn't have the right angle, or it was much farther inside her than he was willing to delve.**

"It is" Sirius said automatically. "Seems like you do listen when I talk to you about girls" he added with a smirk.

"Hard not too" James muttered in answer.

**He had no idea how far the hymen was and didn't want to go through the kind of pain he'd heard girls felt when their cherry was popped. At least, he thought, glancing at his bag, not this time.**

**Angling his wrist, he was able to continue pumping his fingers into Lily's cunt and swipe his thumb over her clit at the same time. This seemed to do the trick, though he quickly found that he couldn't move his thumb fast enough. With a frustrated shout, he removed his slick fingers from her hole and lightly rubbed them back and forth over her clit.**

All three boys refused the urge to moan as the description made their _hard_ problem a lot more harder.

**The extra moisture from her body helped; within moments he hunched forward, his body pulsing as Lily's cunt literally grasped at thin air. **

"Pulsing" Sirius and James repeated

"Sounds pleasurable" Sirius said wanting more than anything to give himself some pleasure.

**"Damn, that was too complicated," he said on a breathless gasp.**

"Sounded like it" was said by all three Marauders

"But it sounded hot too" James and Sirius said together, again unplanned.

**Slumping backward, James waited for his post-wank lethargy to steal over him only to find that, instead, he felt like he could get up and run five miles without breaking a sweat. Grinning to himself, he rubbed lazily over the ultra-sensitive flesh of Lily's cunt, shivering as he found that action prolonged her orgasm, adding slighter, deeper ripples of pleasure.**

"God that sounds nice" Sirius whispered more to himself then to anyone but the other two could not help but agree. After all they all knew that after a wank session it was time for sleep but for girls it seemed made them more energetic.

**He remained in his relaxed pose until the familiar cramp in his belly signalled the transformation back to his natural form.**

"As much as I'd love to be Evans for that lovely session I love my body" James said with a fond smile

"Yeah we know Prongs. Now shut up about your stupid crush on yourself I want to hear how this story ends" Sirius said quickly. _And get out of here before my hard on kills me _he added to himself.

**James crawled into his bed that night a bit early. Leaning over the foot of his bed, he grabbed his bag, opened it, and pulled out his Potion's text. Grinning at Sirius, who was thumbing through a copy of Quidditch Weekly, he sat back and spelled his bed curtains closed and sealed against his roommates. **

**At Sirius' shout of anger, James just laughed. **

"Bitch!" Surprisingly enough this was said by not just Sirius but Remus too.

James in turn laughed like his book self "I love Evans do you honestly think I'd let you see her wank herself or myself or whatever?"

"I got you the Polyjuice!" Sirius huffed

"And I would kill you" Remus added as well

James just laughed it was a story after all.

**Setting the book on the bed, he used one of the pillows behind him to prop it up. Murmuring "Rememorium!," he watched as the cover of his book turned translucent, then took on the look of the tunnel behind the hump-back witch. He licked his lips and slowly opened his trousers as he watched the half-naked form of Lily Evans begin touching herself.**

**Fin**

Remus closed the book and set it down on his night stand.

"That was an interesting first story" James said having remembered about his problem. "What time is it?"

"About 1:30" Remus said casting the tempus spell.

"Well we are stuck here all day, how about we read another story" Sirius said then added "After a shower of course" _A cold one._

"Agreed" James and Remus said as they both quickly stood up careful to keep their eyes above waist level.

"I'll take the dorm bathroom, Sirius you take the common room one and Remus-" James said

"Ill take the Prefect one" Remus said as he began to walk to the dorm room door.

"Bring back food!" Sirius called out after him.

"Yeah" was Remus reply as he was already out the door.

James and Sirius wasted no time in going to their own showers, after all a _hard problem _need to be solved.

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**So what did you think? I would really appreciate it if you left a review, also I will not begin to write the next chapter till Friday at the latest so if you have any idea as to which story you might like me to do please review and i will read it and see if it is my next on here. If not i will just do my next favorite. I also want to know if i should continue this story, Do you like it? Is it stupid? Please let me know what you think, thank you**


	3. Shiny Teeth

**Alright so hell everyone I am so sorry that I have not updated in a while, but I just go a new computer and Im finding it a bit hard to get use to. So if there are any grammer mistakes i am so sorry but hey! Im only human!**

**Anyways please enjoy this story it is SAFE it is not like the other chapter, this one is clean!**

**DISCLAIMER - I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters!**

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After a much needed shower, James stepped out of the bathroom. As he looked around, he saw no sign of his best mates. Seeing the book that had captured his curiosity, he quickly picked it up and jumped on his bed. He tried to open the cover but to no avail. James wanted to see if there were any more stories like the first one they had read but the stupid book would not open!

With a frustrated shout he threw the book back on Remus' night stand and waited for his mates to come back. It was Remus who was the first to come back, looking much better then when he had left.

"Sirius not back yet?" He asked as he sat on his bed and reached for the book.

"No" James said in a bored tone "But he needs to hurry because I want to read another chapter and we can't start without him"

"Yeah" Remus agreed, then after a silent pause he looked at James and asked "About the first story, would you ever do that?" James hesitated but not because he was scared but because he honestly didn't know. He would like nothing better than to say no, but was he being honest if he did?

"I don't know" James finally said looking down "Moony does that make me a bad person?"

"No" Remus said automatically "I know I kind of screamed at both you and Sirius but I understand now, your both hormonal teenagers with an option normal teenagers don't have"

After that nothing was said between the two friends. They both sat in silence but in a good way. When Sirius still had not come back after another twenty minutes they decided to start a game of Wizards Chest.

"Check Mate" Remus said with a sideways smirk. He had won all three games against the annoyed Potter. Just as James was about to say something the dorm room door opened and Sirius Black walked in.

"Sirius! What the bloody hell took you so long? We've been waiting for over an hour!" James said as soon as he saw his friend.

"I had to take a shower" Sirius said. When his friends glared at him he continued "Okay! I went to take a shower and when I came out some Ravenclaw was visiting her sister and when she saw me she blushed"

Remus and James tolled their eyes; they didn't need Sirius to tell them what happened next. Any girl that should Sirius any type of interest he would swoop in and claim his prize. Remus swore that if trees had eyes and they winked at Sirius, then Sirius would flirt with it too.

"Oh good, so we sit here for more than an hour waiting till you finished snogging a bird?" James asked hotly.

"Of course not! I got laid too you idiot" Sirius said quickly. He didn't feel that bad about making James and Remus wait, after all he had had a hard problem that a simple wank could not solve. After all he was Sirius Black.

"Whatever let's just read another chapter" Remus said as his annoying friend went to sit on his bed. He would just about read anything if it meant getting Sirius _the most annoying boy in the world _Black out of his mind.

"Who's reading this time?" James asked suddenly "I think it's only fair if we take turns"

"Yeah" Sirius said agreeing with James. Ignoring his friends glare he quickly said "I read next"

"**Sirius' Shiny Teeth**" Sirius read out loud "Hey this story is about me!" James figured his friend ignored or did not is the groan he and Remus as Sirius just began reading.

**"When I'm feeling lonely, sad as I can be. All by myself on an uncharted island in an endless sea…" **

"Well that's an odd way to start a story" Remus said as he threw James an apple to munch on, having forgotten the snacks.

**Sirius Black stared into his bathroom mirror, mouth open wide as he furiously brushed his pearly whites. White foam formed around his mouth as he sung the odd tune. He bobbed side to side as he hummed, then clumsily twirled and almost missed the sink as he spat.**

"That's just gross Padfoot" James said "And why the hell is this story about brushing your teeth?"

"Search me" Was Sirius' reply "But you have to admit I have sexy teeth" After he said this he flashed James and Remus a wide toothy smile.

**"What makes me happy, fills me up with glee, those bones in my jaw that don't have a flaw. My shiny teeth and me!" Sirius flashed himself a bright smile and winked.**

Sirius copied his book self and flashed James another smile, then turned to wink and Remus.

"Just read Sirius!" Remus glared wanting the story to be over. _It was just what he needed _he thought bitterly _an annoying story read by his annoying friend_.

**He stuck the brush in his mouth again, brushing away all remnants of Mrs. Weasley's well-made dinner. "My shiny teeth that twinkle just like the starts in space. My shiny teeth that sparkle, addin' beauty to my face." Sirius suddenly wrinkled his nose and frowned. "No, no. That does not sound right at all! What do you think?" He stared down at the toothbrush in his hand. Sirius nodded a moment after. "I think so, too. Ahem." He cleared his throat dramatically. "My shiny teeth that sparkle, addin' MORE beauty to my ALREADY beautiful face!"**

"I think you finally lost it mate" James said as he laughed. Remus too couldn't help but snigger at the mental image of Sirius talking to a tooth brush. Sirius glared at them.

"I haven't lost it" he huffed "I'm just awesome"

**Sirius grinned even while he continued to brush. "My shiny teeth that glisten just like a Christmas tree. You know, they walk a mile just to see me smile. Woo!" Sirius suddenly slid to the side, arms up in the air. "My shiny teeth and me."**

Sirius stopped reading and looked up at his sniggering friends. "You know this song doesn't sound so bad maybe tonight when –I"

"NO" James and Remus screamed together

"We forbid you to sing this song ever! Just finish this story quickly." Remus said having lost a it of color from his face at the thought of Sirius picking up this annoying habit.

Sirius pouted but decided to continue to read

**Sirius had to admit he hadn't been this scheduled with his teeth brushing once he wrongfully got placed into Azkaban…He shuddered. "Ugh, the memories." Though, now that he was a relatively free man, he could brush and take care of his teeth all he pleased!**

"Wait what?" James asked cutting off his best mate before he could go on to another paragraph "You went to Azkaban in this story? For what?"

Sirius shrugged his shoulders then turned to glare at Remus who had whispered _not so _quietly "Maybe because of his horrible singing"

**"Yes they're all so perfect, so white and pearly. Brush," Sirius continued to brush the molars in the back of his mouth, "gargle," he spit and grabbed the glass beside the sink and gargled, "rinse!" Sirius spit and smiled again at the mirror. "A couple breath mints, my shiny teeth and me…"**

"Mate" James whispered in a horrified voice. Sirius stopped reading and turned to him "You have really lost it"

Sirius only glared at him, and just because also glared at Remus.

**He dabbed his face with a towel, ridding the white suds and water. Sirius placed his toothbrush down and reached for the small white box of floss. He opened his mouth so wide it almost seemed as though he were sneering. "My shiny teeth so awesome just like my favorite song. My shiny teeth I floss them, so they grow to be real strong," he sang through the string in his mouth.**

"Sirius please" James groaned "Just read the story don't sing it!" Sirius in turn just ignored him.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**Remus Lupin sat on the couch in the family room of Grimmauld Place.**

**"**Wait, WHAT?" Sirius yelled making Remus jump in his seat, and James choke on the piece of apple he had taken a bite out of.

"What?" Remus asked a bit harshly as James coughed up his apple slice.

"Why the hell are you in my house?" Sirius asked

"How should I know Padfoot!" Remus exclaimed "This is a bloody story!"

**Tonks' excited babbling a distant drone in his ear as he randomly nodded and mumbled, "You don't say?"**

"Why are you being rude to my cousin? And why-"

"Padfoot!"

"Oh yeah right sorry"

**I wonder where that mutt went off to…leaving me alone like this. Remus inwardly groaned. Yes, Tonks was enjoyable company…sometimes. What made matters worse is no one else in the room wanted to drag him away from talking of shopping and clothing. Ron and Harry were avidly playing a heated game of Wizard's chess, Hermione was reading, Kingsley was too busy laughing at Remus to go talk to him, and everyone else was in the kitchen helping Molly clean up.**

**Remus glanced towards the doorway. Where did he go?**

"Hey Moony" Sirius said suddenly, stopping from reading for what seemed like the tenth time

"Yeah?" Remus asked lazily as he made himself more comfortable on his bed.

"Dont ever call me a mutt again or ill hex your furry little problem off" A smirk suddenly appeared on his face "And im not talking about you being a werewolf."

Remus only huffed and said "I didnt"

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**"My shiny teeth I love them, and they all love me! Why should I talk to you when I got 32?Woo! My shiny teeth and me!" Sirius sang loudly into the tip of his toothbrush. Somehow he managed to slide across the bathroom floor on his knees, and was now playing a nonexistent keyboard. "My shiny teeth and me!"**

**"My shiny teeth that twinkle just likes the stars in space. My shiny teeth that sparkle, addin' MORE beauty to my ALREADY beautiful face!" Sirius altered yet again.**

"Oh Merlin why did we have tor read this story?" Sirius did not even stop reading when James made this comment.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**"I'm sorry, Tonks," Remus finally interrupted. "I really must go…uh…use the loo! Yes. Excuse me." He blushed at his choice of words and hurriedly got up. He jogged up the stairs, taking two at a time. "Sirius? Padfoot, mate, where are you?"**

**Remus stopped in the middle of the hallway. He raised an eyebrow. In the distance, faint singing was heard. Though, since Remus had the 'pleasure' of being a werewolf, his acute hearing caught that the singing voice was Sirius'.**

"Its sad to think that you do not love my singing Moony" Sirius said with a sigh "I know James does" And with that he continued to read, not hearing the soft "Do not" that escaped James lips.

**"Oh, lord…"**

**Remus made his way down the hall, trying to find out where his friend was. He finally reached the door that the singing was coming out of. Remus pushed it open.**

**"My shiny that glisten just like a Christmas tree! Ahhhhhhahha. You know they walk a mile just to see me smile. WOO! My shiny teeth and me! Shiny teeth shiny teeth."**

**Sirius was still kneeling on the floor, toothbrush hanging out of his mouth as his fingers tapped invisible keys on his air-keyboard. He bobbled his head, sending his black hair flying about.**

Sirius flipped his hair from side to side before letting it fall in his face. Man he really loved his face. When he noticed James and Remus glaring at his he quickly began to read again.

**Remus didn't know whether to be incredibly frightened or humored. So, he opted to walk into the bathroom and tap Sirius on the shoulder.**

**Sirius jumped up and screamed...**"LIKE A GIRL" James screamed loudly. Sirius glared at him before continuing...**whipping his toothbrush out of his mouth and flailing it at Remus.**

**Instinctively, Remus stepped back, hands up in the air.**

**"Holy mother of Quidditch! What's going on?"**

**Both Sirius and Remus turned towards the doorway. Harry stood with a confused expression on his face, while Ron was turning red from trying to hold his laughter in, and Hermione had her arms cross while she shook her head.**

**Sirius narrowed his eyes and turned to Remus. "Well, I was trying to brush my teeth but Remus interrupted me."**

"Oh sure blame me, your the bloody crazy one sing who the hell knows what" Remus grumbled

**"Geez, no need to get so touchy, Sirius," Ron snorted, glancing from Sirius to the 'deadly toothbrush of doom'.**

**Sirius, realizing his arm was still held out in defense, lowered it to his side. The five stood in silence, stealing glances at the rest from the corner of their eyes.**

**"Well…can you all go now? I'd like to finish brushing my teeth," Sirius said, peeved.**

"Finish!" James and Remus both exclaimed "You've been at it for twenty minutes already!"

**"Erm…yeah," Remus said, leaving the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and looked down at Harry, Ron, and Hermione.**

**"MY SHINY TEETH AND ME!"**

"Unbelievable" Remus muttered, completely annoyed.

**"Wow," Hermione said, rolling her eyes and walking away.**

When Sirius closed the book and looked up he did not see either of his best mates smiling.

"What?" He asked "A whole story about me! Didn't you love it?"

"No!" James yelled "It gave me a bloody headache thats what it did. And whats worse I cant even leave this bloody room. Im stuck with you dimwit"

Sirius did not know how to respond to his best friend so he did the next best thing, he ignored him.

Remus suddenly spoke up "Well im not stuck in this room and iv just about had enough of Sirius for a while, so im going back to the library."

Before he was out the door both James and Sirius yelled after him

"What the hell are we suppose to do Moony?"

"How about the essay for Potions due on Tuesday" He replied in a bored tone "I finished mine yesterday, finish yours since you have nothing better to do" Before either one of his friends could interrupt he said "Ill make sure to bring you guys something to eat. Then we can read another chapter, hopefully it wont be as annoying at this one."

And with that he left the room, ignoring the groan from James and the outraged "HEY!" from Sirius.

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**SO what did you think? You like? Please review and tell me your thoughts also please let me know if there is a story you would like me to do, that way this could be fun and enjoyable for the both us! REVIEW and LET me know. Hopefully i will have a chapter up by next week 3**


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